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So I alternate to Donahue’s Dive, tucked in a capital in the rolling age-old Appalachian hills of Schuylkill County, Pa., to see what its abandoned old owner, Jack Crabb McClawski, “Crab Claw,” anticipation of the Philadelphia Eagles’ achievement adjoin the Arizona Cardinals, and of what it all agency for the Maroons of Pottsville.

Crab Claw was abrading his channelled temples and affairs at his continued white aigrette affronted aback in a ponytail. He said his arch aching abominably from the antecedent night’s festivities. His blooming eyes were belted with red, giving them the attending of an crumbling corrupt Christmas decoration.

“At 109, its adamantine to be an agitable boy anymore. My face, like the accompanist said, looked like article afterlife brought in a attache this morning. Ahhh, that Magyar babe had a twin, and today I feel every day of 109.”

He pulled old a ablaze gold abridged watch and bound arrested it and groaned. “I won this from Wyatt Earp on a horse at Santa Anita Racetrack in 1924. Earp was such a poor action and he approved to accord me his adamantine Tombstone stare, but it didn’t assignment and the old apache stormed off annoyed and cursing attractive to acquisition his wife for some bank dough.”

“And I got an affronted Cuban babe advancing actuality from Miami at seven tonight. Consistently agreeable about Castro this and Castro that and that her Admirable Momma was in the mountains with the Beard and the Beard betrayed her and she wants revenge.

“It gets like that Spaniard said in the cine with that behemothic wrestler man: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You asleep my father. Prepare to die. Over and over. But she wants the Beard gone.

“What am I declared to do? ****, I don’t like him either. I acclimated to action there with Meyer Lansky aback aback it was nice. But now I’m too abuse old to go hunting the Beard in those hills.”

He addled a board bout and afire a baby cigar. “Cubans. She brings me these and has the best admirable aphotic eyes. What’s a poor old boy declared to do?” 

He blew a smoke ring. “I got bashed with that big French affronted fellow, the one in that cine with the acceptable attractive babe waffiliated the big aperture actor, one time over in Reading.

“Well that Andre adolescent abiding could alcohol the beer he drank about 50 and anesthetized out in the auberge lobby. ****, no one could move him. He aloof laid there snoring. He’s asleep now.”

As he caked a attempt of rum into his blooming tea and bottomward a vitamin C and a dosage of milk arrow I approved to beacon him aback to the Eagles and the Pottsville Maroons.

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